Political humor time

The Lord of the Right Wing
Rather thin on real info, but amusing to watch.

Rants, Inc.

You know, I've been paying close attention to the arguments for and against same-sex marriage in the States and Canada.
Through it all, one simple fact has been reinforced countless times.

All these religious people who think that they have the right to force their special brand of faith/beliefs on me by denying me my basic human rights really PISS ME OFF! Marriage is NOT a religious institution. It never has been. Marriage was taken over by the church centuries ago. Plus, we live in a secular society. As such, you have NO RIGHT to use your religion as a club to erode/block my personal freedoms.

So, to these people, I dedicate the following song.

"Dumb All Over" by Frank Zappa.

Whoever we are
Wherever we're from
We shoulda noticed by now
Our behavior is dumb
And if our chances
Expect to improve
It's gonna take a lot more
Than tryin' to remove
The other race
Or the other whatever
From the face
Of the planet all together

They call it the earth
Which is a dumb kinda name
But they named it right
'cause we behave the same...
We are dumb all over
Dumb all over,
Yes we are
Dumb all over,
Near 'n far
Dumb all over,
Black 'n white
People, we is not wrapped tight

Nurds on the left
Nurds on the right
Religous fanatics
On the air every night
Sayin' the bible
Tells the story
Makes the details
Sound real gory
'bout what to do
If the geeks over there
Don't believe in the book
We got over here

You can't run a race
Without no feet
'n pretty soon
There won't be no street
For dummies to jog on
Or doggies to dog on
Religous fanatics
Can make it be all gone
(I mean it won't blow up
'n disappear
It'll just look ugly
For a thousand years...)

You can't run a country
By a book of religion
Not by a heap
Or a lump or a smidgeon
Of foolish rules
Of ancient date
Designed to make
You all feel great
While you fold, spindle
And mutilate
Those unbelievers
From a neighboring state

To arms! to arms!
Hooray! that's great
Two legs ain't bad
Unless there's a crate
They ship the parts
To mama in
For souvenirs: two ears (get down!)
Not his, not hers, (but what the hey? )
The good book says:
(it gotta be that way!)
But their book says:
Revenge the crusades...
With whips 'n chains
'n hand grenades...
Two arms? two arms?
Have another and another
Our God says:
There ain't no other!
Our God says
It's all okay!
Our God says
This is the way!

It says in the book:
Burn 'n destroy...
'n repent, 'n redeem
'n revenge, 'n deploy
'n rumble thee forth
To the land of the unbelieving scum on the other side
'cause they don't go for what's in the book
'n that makes 'em bad
So verily we must choppeth them up
And stompeth them down
Or rent a nice french bomb
To poof them out of existance
While leaving their real estate just where we need it
To use again
For temples in which to praise our god
(cause he can really take care of business!)

And when his humble tv servant
With humble white hair
And humble glasses
And a nice brown suit
And maybe a blond wife who takes phone calls
Tells us our God says
It's okay to do this stuff
Then we gotta do it,
'cause if we don't do it,
We ain't gwine up to hebbin!
(depending on which book you're using at the
Time...can't use theirs... it don't work
...it's all lies...gotta use mine...)
Ain't that right?
That's what they say
Every night...
Every day...
Hey, we can't really be dumb
If we're just following God's orders
Hey, let's get serious...
God knows what he's doin'
He wrote this book here
An' the book says:
He made us all to be just like him,
So...
If we're dumb...
Then God is dumb...
(an' maybe even a little ugly on the side)




Hmmm.... After posting a couple of rants, I'm feeling a whole lot better. :-)

Ranting at 60kph

"Poor road conditions were to blame for a five car pile up today on..."

"Thick fog and snow were the cause of a collision on highway X, Y km south of Whoville today..."

"Slick roads were partially to blame for a number of traffic accidents during the morning rush hour..."


BULLSHIT! All the ice, snow, fog, rain, and crappy roads in the world aren't enough to make two (or more) vehicles collide!
Would you like me to let you in on a little secret?
You do?
Ok.
Here goes.

The cause of collisions when the road conditions are piss-poor is that people DON'T SLOW THEIR STUPID ASSES DOWN AND DRIVE WITH DUE CAUTION. Simple concept, no?

Like, come on here. How hard is this to grasp? When there is snow, rain, fog, hail, dead frogs, and what-not making the roads all slippery-like, SLOW DOWN.

If you don't have the smarts necessary to slow your stupid ass down when it starts snowing/raining/dead frogging, then don't blame it on the roads and weather when you wrap your car around a lamp post. Or, worse yet, when you hit some innocent driver or pedestrian.

"Oh, but I don't like driving when it's snowing. The roads are so slippery."
Fine. DON'T DRIVE! Take the bus. Cab. Car pool. Walk. Flap your arms like a frigging bird.


You know, I have NO problems driving on the shittiest of roads. All I do is slow my car down. If the roads are so bad that I can't realistically control my car, then I stay home!

Do I feel as though I'm being insensitive towards people who are unable to handle a bit of snow and ice? No.
Driving is a privilidge, not a right. If you can't handle it, then get the hell of my roads.

< /rant >

Laugh. Go for it.

If you don't find this funny, then you need help.

:-)

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Take a moment to say "I love you" to somebody you care about.
A family member.
A friend.
A significant other.
A blow-up love doll.

Slow news week

Not exactly a whole lot going on. Getting everything ready for Valentine's Day.

< Neo >
Hmm. Upgrades.
< /Neo >
About the only excitement in the past few days is the new hard drive I have sitting on the bed behind me (wrapped in anti-static plastic, tenkuverymuch) and the extra ram I have installed in my system. I needed the extra storage and memory so that I could get WinXP pro going on my system. There's some software that I want to dabble with, and Win98 just doesn't cut it. Plus, my system BADLY needs a restore. This Win98 install is a touch old. Something like 18mos. *shudder*
So, with the extra 120GB hd and 512MB ram, all will fall into place. Now, for the software...

Me smart. Me thinks very good.

Oasis posted a link to an Emode IQ test on her diary a couple of days ago. Every time I tried it, it b0rked on me. Evidently, I'm too smart for it. :-)

It worked tonight. Here goes with the results:
"Your IQ score is 136.

"We also compared your answers with others who have taken the test, and according to the sorts of questions you got correct, we can tell your Intellectual Type is a Facts Curator.

"This means you are highly intelligent and have picked up an impressive and unique collection of facts and figures over the years. You've got a remarkable vocabulary and exceptional math skills - which puts you in the same class as brainiacs like Bill Gates. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results."

Well, how about that. That bit about math is odd because I always figured I sucked at it. Maybe if I actually gave it some effort... ;-)

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

Ok, so picture this. I'm at work. It's 3pm (or so). I hear a page over the p.a. system. "Manager, line one-oh-one." So, I grab my phone and answer.

I hear the voice of some lady on the other end. She tells me that she's looking to get a Pentium4 computer.
She wants to pay for said computer using...




wait for it....




buffalo meat.


I AM NOT kidding.


Where do these people come from?