Some fun-time reading.

"It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."
--Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, Paul Clifford (1830)

That opening line for a novel inspired the Bulwer-Lytton bad writing contest. The goal is to create the worst, most god-awful opening sentence for a novel ever.

Here are a couple of my faves:

"Chief Inspector Blancharde knew that this murder would be easy to solve-despite the fact that the clever killer had apparently dismembered his victim, run the corpse through a chipper-shredder with some Columbian beans to throw off the police dogs, and had run the mix through the industrial-sized coffee maker in the diner owned by Joseph Tilby (the apparent murder victim)--if only he could figure out who would want a hot cup of Joe."

"This is a story of twin Siamese kittens, or, more specifically, of their shared appendage; it is a tail of two kitties."

Check out the rest here. Come on. You know want to.